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No Bouquet

by All Get Out

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1.
04:11
All the houses were small It’s like they never cared at all Nobody ever stood that tall Nobody ever wandered through The grounds at nightfall Take your time If you want They walk ahead and you catch up Just clear the bridge before it’s dark You’re going to fade if you get caught You keep your name you go home You’re no bouquet, you’re just a rose Nobody here knows who we are Sad to say the same as where you’re from Wake up little girl Your people need a hero, not some maid We’ll help you clean it all up when you’re done We’ll help you when your hands are tied in pain Suddenly I see why I’d be easy to replace A simple way to exist today: keep the troubled ones away They are crazy, crazy, everyone is crazy Lazy, maybe, everyone’s so lazy but you Shut it down if you’re out Nobody’s gonna judge when you get down Sometimes you gotta sleep it off for a week Sometimes it takes a year or two after all you’re human Suddenly I see why it’s so easy to replace The simple way to resist today: keep the troubled ones away They are crazy, crazy, everyone is crazy Lazy, maybe, everyone’s so lazy You keep your name you go home You’re no bouquet, you’re just a rose Nobody here knows who you are Sad to say the same as where you’re from All the houses were small Honestly I’ve never cared at all Nobody ever stood so tall Nobody said they’ll help you when you’re done
2.
03:54
You woke me up to talk ninety words out loud My heart raced through the hall at 3:00 And I can’t sleep at all So I think about the small detail Of everything I cannot actually change You keep me awake Counting my age What are you saying? You’re counting the days Lines on my face Why are you staying? I’m pretty sure that I’m dying And I’ve never not survived We’re pretty sure that I’m dying And I’ve never not survived My chest pulled tight enough to choke me out of light I haven’t been outside in weeks I’m not missing out cause I’m awake for every inside joke I’d rather not have known if I could sleep But you keep me awake Counting my age What are you saying? You’re counting the days The lines on my face Why are you staying? Surely it’s normal but I’m unprepared As all of my functions are under repair Showing your colleagues how well you can act But to breathe in the dark is just too much to ask I’m pretty sure that I’m dying It’s everyday since I got here I’m pretty sure that I’m dying And I’ve never not survived We’re pretty sure that I’m dying And I’ve never not survived You bad fever You steal all my water Garden variety Cancer of the home Unremarkable demon Average low light ceiling Conditional love Excusable behavior You bad believer You turn me into boredom A quiet lobby You’re why I work from home
3.
04:29
You started to spiral out The ground’s just a circle in a decaying orbit You tried just to idle awhile Thought if you sat still You’ll blend with the forest, well you don’t Noted another loss Well don’t feel bad, I mean, if you can help it You learn how to document Like bad weather patterns And I guess you can call it “Progress of a kind” Not everybody takes this long I can’t un-see it but man can you believe that we’re here There’s always a try again Well don’t be upset when repeating a formative year Doing the same thing for years Repeating the formative years I try to settle down I fake my death, had no one believe it I fight with the neighbor’s kid I ran over his bike “Well don’t park it behind my van” I became a frail black bird My chest started burning I could die if you squeeze me too long I almost got away it Starting to deal with the problem So I guess you can call it “Progress of a kind” Not everybody takes this long I can’t un-see it but man can you believe that we’re here There’s always a try again Well don’t be upset when repeating a formative year Doing the same thing for years Repeating the formative years Watch you in the morning come to life again Watch you in the evening fall apart the same Anemic numbers ruling over you and me It’s the reason you refer to them as holding value They don’t It’s unkind how often you’re required to replay Your light, snuffed out, on fire, doused again Somehow you reignite and I’m impressed Not everybody takes this long I can’t un-see it but man can you believe that we’re here There’s always a try again Well don’t be upset when repeating a formative year Watch you in the morning come to life Watch you in the evening fall apart again Anemic numbers ruling over you It’s the reason you refer to them as holding value
4.
03:17
What confusing faith Or have you always been this way? If your tradition make you ill Then do not call it will An excessive trait I didn’t find you in this way So I proclaim there’s so much more And nothing that you’ve spoke’s been said before Something so wrecked can give you hope Tell me that it’s not already safe to say I can’t watch you move away I’m on fire in all my dreams When I’m awake I feel the same You kiss my head I wake up and bloom in red You look beautiful and cold And I know a weaker way to keep me warm Something so wrecked can give you hope Tell me that you don’t already know Tell me that you know already You’re my truth So volley well wishes to you Or am I some suppressive person Or are you my inversion Look now you gotta know I always have a point and you just have to trust me Don’t overcomplicate We are not in line, you just have to love me It’s ok to feel this way Everything’s a scene You and I can casually walk away from everything No more running I god damn love you A failed repress I can’t shake away your best I felt love and nothing else The void without is a charmless rung out bell Something so wrecked can give you hope Tell me that you don’t already know Tell me that you know already
5.
03:18
Your view was an understatement You’re just a kid in a family basement Dirty tricks up your clean white sleeves 30 years till you knew what color you’d bleed And didn’t know what to do You don’t I didn’t know what to do You don’t You look like you’re feeling clever Innate cover up behavior Run fast from the small detail And move past the ones that make you feel I know you think it’s insane You’re ok with everything You’re lying and nothing about you is safe It’s hard to say when you’re not It’s ok we’ve all been caught crying It’s ok to be up front For sure you didn’t know my story Self repair is mostly boring Something’s wrong and I want to fight 30 years and now I know I wasn’t right And didn’t know what to do You don’t I didn’t know what to do You don’t I know you think it’s insane You’re ok with everything You’re lying and nothing about you is safe It’s hard to say when you’re not It’s ok we’ve all been caught crying It’s ok to be up front But hey why so mad? If you say these things to me, that’s fine But the rest of them, they’ll take you alive if they want You don’t understand You don’t know not anything And I’ve loved more than you have breathed And you can’t quantify a single thing I know you think it’s insane You’re ok with everything You’re lying and nothing about you is safe It’s hard to say when you’re not It’s ok we’ve all been caught crying It’s ok to be up front It’s ok we’ve all been caught Ok to be upfront
6.
02:55
A fine jumping off point Alone in the desert Barking at mirrors again Once thought you a habit Religious or not It seems pretty clear you’ve been made Watch you in action You were the smart one Me, I’m an archive of fear Space on a shelf With pages unworn And I’m sitting closer to you every year I feel above it Swim in your privilege I found you’re the one that I love And then I sink Beautiful people they die just like you every year I wonder where you come from I’m so anxious you’re just numb I could wait here I’ll just wait here You’re my jumping off point Alone in the desert Biting my nails ‘til they bleed Once found in a habit All that I learned I can quit anything I don’t drink Look for you at my station You were the smartest And I haven’t archived each year Space on that shelf And the pages untouched And I’m sitting closer to you every year I feel beneath it Swim in your privilege I find you’re the one that I love And then I think Beautiful people they die just like you every week I wonder where you come from I’m so anxious you’re just numb I could wait here I’ll just wait here If they don’t have much to say At least they should know your name An awkward moment’s scar At best they can know where you are Still I wonder where you come from I’m so anxious you’re just calm I could wait here I’ll just wait here Not much left to say If anything the least they can do is know your name It’s awkward enough at the start At best they can know where we are
7.
I remember first contact Was found in a bad way Woke up in a forest In a bed of branches and leaves Confused over nothing You don’t have to be this way Most stay in the dark room I’d rather be clean The first time I felt it We could be poor and happy And if the first should change I’d rather give it away Finally a real routine And I don’t want to ever leave Shake all the hate away And I can be me any day I remember the conflict It’s ok to push away It’s all a part of the content There’s not much you can erase Finally a real routine And I don’t want to ever leave Shake all the hate away And I can be me any day And I can be you any day Dig your feet enough to stand your ground I can feel each one of us around Sweet relief of leaving your hometown Sole regret is coming to this now Finally a real routine And I don’t want to ever leave Shake all the hate away And I can be me any day And I can be you any day
8.
03:53
I’m still pacing past the locked room Mistook your hat up on the coat rack for you Thought for sure you’d come home early To be clear I’ve never understood a word that you said It’s fine till you arrive ‘Til then I’d rather die Sleeping in the window I’d rather be cold I’d don’t want to miss you come home You always make it back Each time a little worn And I don’t want to leave it I’m tired of the feeling You won’t believe how I sleep or how I don’t I spent the night inside your sweatshirt It made me warm I thought the heat would bring you back But I just slept It’s fine till you arrive ‘Til then I’d rather die Sleeping in the window I’d rather be cold I’d don’t want to miss you come home You always make it back Each time a little worn And I don’t want to leave it I’m tired of the feeling You won’t believe how I sleep or why it’s Every time the door is shut Every household noise is us And all the different floor board creaks Sound out every vowel of our name Everyone still talks to me Like I can ever reciprocate How am I supposed to be  Flattered when they’re kind to me When all I am is your namesake  You leave behind like an old nickname I’d like to think that it’s all the same The usual business and that’s just our end game Not all of us are kind enough To wait around while you find yourself again I’m fine when you arrive ‘Til then I guess alive Sleeping in the window I’d rather be cold I’d don’t want to miss you come home You always make it back Each time a little worn out And I don’t want to leave it I’m tired of the feeling You won’t believe how I sleep or how I don’t
9.
02:53
I hear you speak and it form a statue Now I’m stuck in your memory Then I stutter and it makes me feel bad It’s forever in the photograph Then I see you and I can’t remember Were you the winner in the dream last night? Am I the corner of your silver lining? I’m just a knot in the same necklace again Holding fast for you Can’t get you out of my head Everything I hear is you instead However long it’s gonna be I can guarantee I’m gonna miss you Miss You How many times have I said I need you Just a few in a quiet room I’m pretty sure that no one ever heard me Still you shake like you hear me think I try to find you in a busy hallway Your cached candle in the windowsill I’m self-possessed but you break my focus You are clearly the end of my loneliest streak However long it’s gonna be I can guarantee I’m gonna miss you Miss You I fast for you Don’t ever leave my head Anything I hear is you instead However long it’s gonna be I can guarantee I’m gonna miss you Miss you However long it’s gonna be I can always guarantee I’m gonna miss you I miss you
10.
03:04
Look at me I think I’ve always known your face in some way I’ll admit I’ll tell you what’s the deal But someone stays behind to clean it up Am I really in your way? Is someone really in my place? I can’t see How you can choose for me to live just that long All you say Is I’m the kind of guy who turns the lights off Look away All the crosstalk is telling you you’ve always been the one And I’m really in your way? Is someone really in my place? Am I really in your way? I’m just saying I’m fine to die But only if it gets you to my wake Amazing that you knew me I was born too fucking late I can love like anyone who can communicate But not for much longer It’s not what you need from me And I know I’m in the way Or someone else is in my way Someone else is in my place Someone else is at my wake Someone else is in my place Someone else is my way

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released November 2, 2018

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